9:09 PM


When you have to beg your family members for a favour, it is an obvious realisation that they are no longer one of your kind.

I have this list of must-do things which I have to complete after my exams. Top of the list is what I hate to do, but at the same time is what I have to do. I can't bear to part with the books, but what can I do when they are from a heartless wretch?

1) Pack all the reading materials borrowed from my (once favourite) auntand return it to her house. Don't have to bother about a thank you card. It's unnecessary. A simple 'Thank you' on sms will do.

2) Pack table stuff.

3) Look for new tutee.

4) Come to a decision whether to commit myself to ZHSS guzheng alumni.

5) Prepare for putting on braces.

6) Prepare Christmas presents.

7) Start intensive exercise program.

8) Prepare myself for first day of CNY 2009 by numbing myself till the extent that if insults of me not knowing Hokkien come flying from relatives, I will not feel humiliated. I will just stay cool and easy.

9) Start intensive translation training.

10) Familiarize myself with Upper Sec Humanities syllables.

More to-dos in the to-do list to come. But that's about all for the must-do list so far.

Sometimes I just can't help feeling demoralised about life and the selfish people living it. Part of the reason why it hits me so hard is that I am one of the selfish bunch, only alot milder (this is not a self praise). The more I look at the supposedly kind people, the more I see their selfish nature protruding from their pretentious generous deeds like an odd broom sticking out from a clean, beautiful window. And the worst is they don't even care to pull the curtains. The only good thing about it is its reminder that my selfishness pales in comparison with their outstanding character. To Hell with them.

And I can't stand my grandmother anymore. She is just like the others. A bunch of heartless and sick-in-the-mind swindlers. This whole house is enveloped in invisible toxic dust and dirt attacking the lives of its inhabitants who truly wants to live. Just why don't they leave us alone?

I have never felt so pathetic. And I have never felt so sorry for them.